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Permalink to original version of “Air conditioning is a form of rape culture” Air conditioning is a form of rape culture

The latest blast of hot air coming from masculists is their complaint that women are giving men not enough of it: the great masculist air conditioning debate of 2015 has supplanted the campus rape hoax debacle that crashed and burned in 2014 like the Hindenburg in 1937. According to masculists, women are unconsciously creating an ice ceiling to keep men out of cushy, safe indoor office jobs men prefer compared to swinging sledgehammers outside in the summer heat.

Honey, if you want warm, it is plenty warm in the kitchen while you bake me a pie. Cherry is my favorite. There’s a love.

As is reflected by their (alleged) lower salaries, one reason men feel colder in the office is that they are doing less work than the women there – heat is a by-product of work and the harder you work, the more heat your body produces. Even woman-hater Amanda Marcotte conceded that “According to a study published in Nature Climate Change, office thermostats are generally set to favor women’s metabolic rates, which are faster than men’s and produce heat more efficiently…”

This suggests, of course, the first way that men in office environments can feel warmer: simply work as hard as the women do, and the extra heat your body will produce will make you feel warmer. The extra productivity will help ease the supposed wage gap as well, as employers generally pay higher wages to more productive employees (women).

It is worth noting at this point the non sequitur in Marcotte’s statement “produce heat more efficiently.” Efficiency is a measure of work – an efficient engine, for example, produces more work, not more heat, than a less efficient one with the same amount of fuel (input energy). Using the term “efficiently” to describe higher female heat production is as jarring to the physicist’s ear as would his saying “strong, handsome women rape more pleasingly” to a masculist’s.

Of course, it is thin, attractive men in scant clothing that lose heat more readily than the normal morbidly obese masculist does, due to the high ratio of exposed skin (surface area) to the slight body mass of the waif.

Just as a spilled, spread-out glass of water on the floor evaporates more quickly than a full one, a thin, tall man will radiate heat (cool off) faster than a squat, fat one of the same mass.

One way for thin men to compensate for this is to wear more insulating clothing (as women have long known) but the innate lack of men’s agency and their poor grasp of scientific principles make it difficult for hapless men to dress as smartly as women do, and so I suppose it is up to us women to protect these poor boys from their childish ignorance of the dangers of the rapacious refrigeration technology, much in the same way that women putting the seat down protects dainty, ditzy broads from splashing their gentleman bits into toilet water.

Of course, by increasing the temperature of office environments, women would be hurting men in many ways.

First, it would not take long in a sweltering office for men to shed even more of their clothing, which would attract the female gaze in ways that most men enjoy and masculists find completely toxic and debilitating – and they would whine about incessantly.

Second, the work efficiency of offices would decline – women work less effectively in hotter environments and the decline in productivity would result in less money and fewer resources for men to extract from their female slaves. This would cause men to shed even more clothing in trying to attract more female attention in order for men to secure the dwindling amount of resources available, further debilitating masculists.

Third, hotter environments degrade female fertility – sperm production declines with heat, which will make it harder for men to use pregnancy to trap women into marriage and/or child support, the primary ways that men have used to escape poverty since the beginning of time.

Fourth, so course, we would be reinforcing the cultural narrative that says that women are strong and smart, and men are weak and stupid.

Women, however, would find these languid and sultry offices more palpably pleasant, and I mean that most literally.

So turn up the heat, gals: the silly masculists think they want it, and who are we to refuse them, even if it is just a hot flash in the pan?