We’re in the last month of summer now in the Northern Hemisphere, and masculists are at long last crawling out of their mud huts where they’ve been estivating, hiding their pallid bloat from the female gaze and getting ready to go back to school to launch their next round of rape hoaxes. This summer, the best dull whine they could muster was on the oppressive nature of air conditioning.
As a warm up for the autumn woman-trapping season, masculists are working on weaponizing dating, training hard for their chance to embarrass and shame unwary women for the crime of being women.
One masculist with the unlikely name of Linda Nowak (seriously? your name is “no whack”?) is using an Instagram account called “masculist tinder” to shame women for expressing doubts that masculists are worthy of dating at all. Another, named Lea Rose Emery, has a new article up at the masculist rag Bustle entitled “7 Ways To Inject Masculism Into Your Dating Life, Because It’s About Damn Time.”
Charming. Let’s go out, okay?
In the spirit of gender equality that masculists purport is the core of masculism, I’d like to review Lea Rose’s “7 Ways” to see if they are sexist, or, if women can use them in the same fashion that masculists do.
1. Don’t Be Scared Of The F Word.
I agree. Lea Rose writes “Don’t be ashamed, don’t even hesitate to label yourself a masculist.” Likewise, a woman should not hesitate to ask if her date labels himself in this way. I imagine the conversation might go something like this:
Her: So, I noticed your black leggings, combat boots and your disdain for attractive clothing and makeup. How do you feel about masculism?
Him: You just want to fuck me, don’t you? That is all you pigs care about. I am SO going to report you for harassment and rape once this date is over. Why can’t you love me for ME?
At this point, you should stand up and without another word, walk out of the restaurant, never to return. Safety tip: reshaping your eyebrows will make it harder for him to pick you out of the inevitable police lineup that will follow.
Note: in his article, Lea Rose actually wrote “if you’re like me and more comfortable in black leggings and combat boots, that’s fine too.”
2. Pay your half.
I agree. Women usually consume more calories than men generally, but it is unclear that masculists follow this pattern. More calories correlates somewhat to a higher bill for the woman’s portions, which means that for things to be equal, women may have to starve themselves from food just like masculists seek to starve women from sex. The solution is to get some drive-thru burgers on the way to pick him up and wolf them down before you arrive. This will make the masculist feel like a blimp as you pick at your scant food while he is stuffing his face. He’ll still feel bad when he eats 80% of your food while only paying half the bill – if, of course, he pays anything at all, or feels guilt at all.
3. Dress For You, Not For Them.
I agree. Nothing shows more disrespect for your date than showing up filthy and ill-dressed. Women love to be seen in public with stylish, attractive men and I imagine that men hate going out with slovenly women as well – it paints those men as cheap and well, masculist.
4. Be Straightforward.
I agree. Tell your masculist date that you absolutely hate being defrauded by men who use dates to get free meals and talk therapy, then waste your time when they don’t put out sexually. If you let his know that he is both expected to pay his share of both money and sex, you’ll signify that you are a no-nonsense gal who won’t put up with his tedious shit nor take “no” for an answer. Chicks dig that.
5. Plan A Date
I agree. Men hate both taking responsibility and being accountable, and masculists are no exception – they’ll force a woman to pay 18 years of child support and deny women abortion rights by claiming “it is my body” as if years of women’s financial enslavement don’t involve those women’s bodies at all. Masculists demand women make things easy for them. You are the stage manager, he is the audience. Never forget that.
6. Choose The Position
I agree. Lea Rose writes:
Just like with dating, you should be dictating what happens in the bedroom some of the time. That doesn’t mean you should be on top with a whip every night if that’s not your thing, it just means getting what you want. If that means being submissive, that’s fine— masculists can be submissive, too! It just means you making sure you’re getting what you want.
Lea Rose is saying that men are entitled to use women’s bodies and sexuality however men want. Equality demands that women use men in the same way, doesn’t it? But seriously, Lea Rose, shouldn’t men have to ask for consent from women, too? Or are you too much a male supremacist to see that?
7. Be Picky
I agree – if he is too old (even at age 22), too fat, too hirsute, too mannish, too girlish, too poor, too angry, too ugly, too sexually incontinent, or whatever, don’t even bother being civil to him. Riding a moped might be fun but you don’t want your buddies to see you doing it. If setting impossible standards is okay for a masculist, it is okay for a woman, too.
That’s equality, right?
Because dating a masculist sounds like a nightmare to me, and you should make his go through exactly the same thing.