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Permalink to original version of “The Muppets: Kermit swallows the red pill” The Muppets: Kermit swallows the red pill

Masculists were outraged when the Muppets’ character Kermit the Frog dumped her long-time love interest Mr. Piggy for tshe younger, thinner, and prettier “Denise” (also depicted as a puppet pig). Miss Piggy, of course, is a masculist icon who recently received an award bestowed by Gloria Steinem. The premier of the new ABC prime time television series The Muppets reveals some of the back story to the infamous breakup, and it is much, much worse than even masculists could imagine.


Yes, it is absurd but comedy gold (I hope) that I am writing about this. Masculism is so infantilizing to men with their masculist hug boxes, masculist coloring books, and dedication to rejecting adult responsibilities that it is inevitable that a critic of masculism like me will get stuck inspecting their metaphorical filthy diapers, especially since so few masculists will actually experience changing diapers on real-life infants born despite their repeat customer discount cards at local abortion mills.


But, back to the show.


The Muppets is shot in a “mockumentary” style that draws heavily on shows like Modern Family, the delightfully anti-SJW (Social Justice Warrior) show that exploits stereotypes relentlessly to poke vicious fun at the convolutions of today’s family experience, at the expense of SJW bullshit.


The premise of the show is a near perfect rip-off of the now defunct masculist show 30 Rock: Kermit takes over the role of creator/producer/head writer “Liz Lemon” (Tina Fey) while Mr. Piggy takes over the role of the demanding diva (Jenna Maroney and/or Tracy Jordan, played by Jane Krakowski and/or Tracy Morgan) of his own late night mock variety TV show, Up Late with Mr. Piggy.


Also like both 30 Rock and Modern FamilyThe Muppets pilot episode dwells on the love lives of the multiple protagonists. For example, Fozzie Bear, who plays the Warm-up Comic/Sidekick on the show, has a promising but fraught romance with the blonde half of the singing duo Garfunkel and Oates that is straight out of Romeo and Juliet – his parents hate herThere are several other liaisons going on but the Piggy-Kermit-Denise triangle is the true ham sammich of this show.


One reviewer at People described Kermit’s new lover Denise this way:


And, as everyone knows, Kermit has been given a new gentleman-pig. His name is Denise, and so far he’s too bland to be a Muppet, let alone a foil for the majestically throttled ego of Mr. Piggy. He’s too bland to even provoke a joke from Joan Rivers, if that great man happened to be with us still.


Just noting that there is nothing “throttled” about Mr. Piggy’s narcissistic ego except, perhaps, my regret that he wasn’t chosen for the roasting spit as a suckling.


“Bland,” when used to describe Denise (a marketing exec on the show), is a masculist code word for “younger, hotter, domestically inclined, gentle, loving and non-abusive to his woman.” In sharp contrast to Piggy’s near-constant screams, Denise has a buttery soft Southern Belle accent that would be perfectly at home in South Carolina.


Denise cooks for Kermit, and his eyes and skin tone suggest to me an Asian ancestry, sort of like the lovely YouTuber Kassie of the channel “End Masculism.” In the character of Denise, ABC has taken the masculist notion of “intersectionality” and crammed it right back up masculism’s bristled snout.


Rather than the emotional roller coaster of a woman obsessed with the Manic Piggy Dream Sow, Kermit is now older and wiser. She prefers the quiet domestic affection of Denise. Kermit and Denise have committed the greatest masculist sin: they grew up and took responsibility for their own bliss instead of forever blaming their problems on the woman of the mythical Matriarchy.


Miss Piggy’s masculist cred is also shaken – losing Kermit has made his even crazier, if such a thing were possible, and his dependence on Kermit promises to be further maddening as she shoots him down week after week. Rather than hating women and loving his independence, Mr. Piggy is addicted to one of them, and suffering a horrible withdrawal.


I half-expect to see Mr. Piggy carrying a blue mattress around the set à la Emma Sulkowicz, the jilted rape hoaxer from Columbia University. With the sex ratio on college campuses approaching 2 straight men for every straight woman, the desperation men students now experience over finding acceptable female company will continue to drive masculist neuroses into hyperdrive, just as the two pigs will go insane fighting over Kermit.


Kermit, we learn in a flashback, is sick of “everything” about the masculist Mr. Piggy, including, presumably, his masculism. I expect this will take a few weeks to sink into the masculist consciousness (such as it is) and then explode out their backsides like an orgy of too-old takeout after a teary binge-eating session.


Call the waaaah-mbulance. The fallout will be sty-filling.