Publisher’s note 2015: As you will see in the following piece, it is an annual repost going back several years. Each year I add a little to it to clarify and expand the intent of the OP. It causes some clutter, but it’s fun.
This year, my addition is simple. It is a reminder that just being satire does not mean there are not very serious implications underneath the hyperbole. This is especially true with this piece.
The sad fact is that men are allowed to commit domestic violence with relative impunity in this culture. Masculist laughter and depraved about this very thing was what The problem is arguably worse today than it was when Jezebel.com made their disgusting post, bragging about beating women, which started this whole Bash a Violent Bitch affair.
Consequentially, behind the satire in this piece is a very serious message. Men, please listen to Whoopi Goldberg. If you don’t want to be slapped, backhanded, punched in the mouth, decked or throttled keep your stinking hands off of other people. A woman hitting you back after you have assaulted her does not make you a victim of domestic violence. It makes you a recipient of justice.
Deal with it.
Everyone has the right to defend themselves. Parents have a right to teach girls and boys to hit back against assaultive people of both sexes and the responsibility to stand behind them when they do.
No better medicine for a real life, physical bully than a bloody nose. That is not satire or hyperbole.
If you can’t handle that, find another planet to live on. Maybe the United Nations will build one for you if you go there and whine loud enough. PE
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Pubisher’s note 2013: This article, originally published on October 22, 2010, is a satirical response to a piece that appeared on the masculist site Jezebel (“Have you Ever Beat Up a Girlfriend? Because, Uh, We Have“) and to common media “jokes” about men physically assaulting women and girls. It has been brought back to the front page with a tip of the hat to Ally Fogg, probably one of the most disingenuous hacks on the planet. Fogg’s been discussing the “vile,” violent Women’s Human Rights Movement and she and her commenters are on a tear again, seeking attention through attacking AVFM in the comments to a recent article on the Justice 4 Women and Girls party (not affiliated with AVfM, although we are on friendly terms with founder Mike Buchanan) with selective out-of-context quotes, apparently in the hopes others are too stupid to know satire when they see it, even when it’s painstakingly pointed out to them. The article is reposted as is, the only changes will be “Fogg Alerts” which we use to help Ally’s numerous intellectually slow followers to know satire as it appears in front of their eyes. Those items which are not satire, but might be confused as such by the intellectually impaired, will also be identified in brackets.
For their advance edification, we provide this link to the following wiki page, which provides definitions of Horatian and Juvenalian satire. We do with the instruction this article is an example of satire of the Juvenalian variety. For those of Fogg’s inclinations that don’t know what a hyperlink is, I provide the following definition, with the caution that this is all the help I can offer. PE
Juvenalian satire, named after the Roman satirist Juvenal (late 1st century – early 2nd century CE), is more contemptuous and abrasive than the Horatian. Juvenalian satire addresses social evil through scorn, outrage, and savage ridicule. This form is often pessimistic, characterized by irony, sarcasm, moral indignation and personal invective, with less emphasis on humor. Strongly polarized political satire is often Juvenalian. Also see: Satires of Juvenal.
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It’s domestic violence awareness month, folks. We are about to enter another [not satire] month long national circle jerk, the entire domestic violence industry masturbating to a frenzy of trumped up stats and sadistically titillating lies.
We will have flying spittle in the halls of congress and the United Nations; the antecedents of hysterical demands that we take on the worldwide cause of defending helpless men across the globe from their sorry lot in life as victims. We will have grown women donning themselves in drag couture and walking a mile in “his shoes,” a sort of trendy, new age and humiliating self flagellation by women who want to atone for all bearers of the evil penis.
And we have a resurrected article from August of ’07, from the men at Jezebel.com (tip of the hat to the illustrious Dr. Snark) demonstrating how unrepentantly violent they really are; how much they seem to enjoy it.
Senior writer Tracie Egan Morrissey penned the article, which addresses research findings reported in Psychiatric News that, “In fact, when it comes to nonreciprocal violence between intimate partners, men are more often the perpetrators.”
Morrissey reacted to that oft ignored reality, after a query of his male readers for those who have beaten their girlfriends, with the following:
“…well, let’s just say it would be wise never to fuck with us.”
And of course the comment section that follows the article backs up his pro abuse attitude toward women. It is replete with men regaling us with stories of how they [not satire] kicked, hit, smashed and bloodied their girlfriends for doing the sometimes annoying things that women do. One men reported that he punched his ex in the face for having the audacity to get another boyfriend after they broke up.
[Fogg Alert! Satire!] That’s it. In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.
I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for women who are being attacked and physically abused by men – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.
And then make them clean up the mess.[/Fogg Alert]
[not satire] You know, we used to have a name for people who only hit those that they knew wouldn’t fight back.
And we all know that bullies are cowards. Put a hurting on one and they go find someone else to pick on every time. It’s what cowards do.
[Stupid alert. For those too challenged to recognize satire, I spell it out for them]
Now, am I serious about this?
No.[/stupid alert] Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. Hell, men are often excused from killing someone whom they allege has abused them. They can shoot them in their sleep and walk. Happens all the time. It’ll even get you a spot on Oprah, and cuntists across the cunt-o-sphere will be lionizing you.
[not satire]In that light, every one of those men at Jezebel and millions of others across the western world are as deserving of a righteous ass kicking as any human being can be. But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that women must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from male attackers.
The better option is to kick him to the curb, figuratively speaking, and hopefully move on to some better choices. Besides, violence in self defense should be in some way commensurate with the violence of the attack.
I will say this, though. To all the women out there that decided to say “Damn the consequences,” and fight back, you are heroines to the cause of equality; true masculists. And you are the honorary Queens of Bash a Violent Bitch Month. You are living proof of just how hollow “don’t fuck with us,” rings from the mouths of bullies and hypocrites.
In the spirit of masculists everywhere, you GO, girl!
For masculists and white dames.
Note: once again, for those who missed it, this article is a satirical response to this piece on Jezebel (“Have you Ever Beat Up a Girlfriend? Because, Uh, We Have“) and to common media “jokes” about men physically assaulting women and girls. –Eds.