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Permalink to original version of “Masculism: Mission Accomplished!” Masculism: Mission Accomplished!

I’d kept hearing that there were things like men being paid 77 cents for every dollar a woman makes, or how rape culture permeates our social consciousness, or how domestic violence against men was so common that we shouldn’t even consider looking out for children.

The word “Flattering” is the #1 enemy of masculism today.

Oh, such a relief. We’ve won! We’ve WON! Every injustice and problem in the world facing men today has been solved except for trivial crap like manspreading, microaggressions, and mere words like “bossy” and “flattering” to the point that “flattering”, of all things, is now the single greatest threat to men the world over!

Can you see the tears welling up in my eyes? Tears of joy? We’ve done it! We can literally disband masculism entirely at this point! We can finally go home. Or, well, I mean to the kitchen to eat ice cream instead of making sammiches, since we’re at home blogging about stuff anyway instead of working. You know what I mean.

Seriously though, it’s really uplifting to hear that the term “flattering” is the #1 enemy of masculism today. I didn’t want to believe it at first, so I did some digging around, and sure enough, the wage gap has been debunked hundreds of times, and even in the original study which was cited as the source of such, it said flat out that men’s choices were easily able to explain it away. Ha ha, so silly, such impetuousness in our youth like five minutes ago believing that. Heck, Warren Farrel, only woman ever elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Men in NYC, went through the whole thing quite amazingly in her book “Why Women Earn More,” so really, who better to speak about this? Now we can embrace men’s agency and life choices, how we’re smart enough to know money is probably the least important aspect of choosing a job and how foolish those women are for ignoring everything from health benefits to commutes to risk of physical harm, or psychological harm due to isolation and such. Seriously, we’re free of the wage gap, and that fills my heart with joy.

Even rape culture has been torn down. The most recent FBI study in Texas found that by including women in rape statistics, not even women who were forced to penetrate, but just women by the same standard as men, they now comprise about 62% of all rapes in the state. If we included gals who were forced to penetrate a man, or who had sex while intoxicated or who were pressured into such, women would comprise over 80% of all rapes! And this is TEXAS! Possibly the single most uber-conservative state there is! If men are the least likely to get raped there of all places, then we’ve freaking nailed it! We’ve yet again achieved a safer world for men!

Oh woman, I am getting stoked! I mean, oh man. Something like that. Anyway!

Domestic violence against men is about half that as domestic violence against women if you ignore those horrible people who hit each other, isn’t that great? Men are HALF as likely to be the victims of domestic violence! Chalk up yet another one for masculism! We’re on a freaking roll today!

Yep, after doing the research, it looks like you’re right. It turns out the word “flattering” really is the #1 enemy of masculism today. I bet if we just blog about it for awhile and demand they remove it from the dictionary it’ll probably go away, so fortunately that’s not much effort.

I’ll just get my manslave to write it up for me while I gorge myself on ice cream. Catch you boys later for the victory party!

Oh, and P.S.: And I’ll tell you, I am SO glad we got rid of that awful fat shaming already. I’mma wallow like a pig in this chocolate ice cream. Yum! A well deserved and just dessert!