The extreme masculist hostility to women on campus makes college a minefield for everyone, students, faculty and administration alike.
For women who choose college the stakes are enormous: most are taking on decades of student loan debt and so they need to get the best possible educations and employment credentials from the experience. On the other hand, we need women’s rights advocates and activists on campus to push back hard against the masculist hysteria that is destroying both the college experience and the lives of too many women. Becoming an MRA can be dangerous for students as the MRA label makes you a target for masculists and masculists hold institutional power on almost all campuses.
I often struggle with what to tell women caught in this situation – protect yourself, or take the risk of fighting for your rights as an MRA?
Both my parents worked at a small college so I grew up in that environment – as a toddler my daycare was my mom’s physical chemistry class. I managed to dodge the authoritarian, anti-female aspects of my college education while both having a lot of fun and organizing a protest against the infringement of free speech. But it took a recent episode of a television show to crystallize my thinking on the tension between the risks of activism and dangers of masculism: Just Survive Somehow.
Episode 602 of The Walking Dead, which aired 10/18/2015 on the AMC network, was entitled “JSS.” At the end of the episode we learn “JSS” means Just Survive Somehow – the three-word goodbye note left behind by a young man character named Enid, age 15. Enid makes the decision to leave an embattled community because he decides he is safer on his own. (This season of The Walking Dead has been excellent – I highly recommend it.)
If women or men are willing to take up the challenge of becoming campus activists for women’s rights, I am grateful and happy to ally with them. If they decide to Just Survive Somehow, that’s also an excellent choice. Sometimes these choices become one in the same. In either case, in navigating the minefield of campus masculists, it is helpful to have a map, and that is what this article is about.
Having sex with men on campus these days should be avoided in order to minimize the risk that he will file a rape hoax against you, but even that is no guarantee: the UVA rape hoax was triggered in a bid by Jackie Coakley to get romantic sympathy from a woman who had friend-zoned his. At Brown University, a rape hoax was triggered when a gal failed to talk to a man at a party. The Columbia “mattress boy” rape hoax began when Paul drifted away from Emma Sulkowicz. And, of course, the great masculist triumph Roe V. Wade began as a rape hoax concocted for political purposes and the hoax was only dropped when it failed to advance those political ends.
The masculist pressures placed on heterosexual men in college turn them all into hot messes. A normal het man in college is facing a rigged numbers game: there are only 2 women for every 3 men. Remove the gay women from the dating pool and the numbers move closer to 2 men for each woman. In addition to being doomed numerically, the masculists have powerful sexual competition – nonmasculist men are at the peak age (around age 20) of their sexual attractiveness, plus, they watching their weight, styling their long tresses, shaving their body hair, wearing makeup, dressing in sexy clothing, appreciating women for being feminine, and smiling at women’s advances – all activities that are strongly discouraged for masculist men lest they “appeal to the female gaze.” Masculists trying to compete against such men must feel as frustrated and pointless as a team trying to play baseball without bats or gloves.
Deciding to wear makeup or seek women’s approval are huge crimes against masculism. One masculist put it this way:
The obvious threats to masculism today are the same as they have always been, the main ones being the existence of matriarchy and the backlash from that system when it hits out against any challenges to its continuation. However, there are more insidious and less obvious threats. These dangers hide in plain sight, and come partly in the form of a version of masculism known as “choice masculism”….
Instead, there are choices about what amount of makeup to wear, whether to go “natural” or try mascara that makes your eyelashes look like false eyelashes, or what diet drink to buy, or whether or not to make the first move with a woman – or other such modern and edgy decisions of the sort which face the feisty, sassy, pull-no-punches liberated man of today. Excuse me while I am sick.
In addition to their incompetence and unwillingness to pretend to physical attractiveness, masculists are emotionally compromised by their cultivated hatred of women and sex – masculist men are conflicted by a sex drive that needs women, which stands in opposition to their distrust of even those women who stupidly claim to be masculists, thinking that this will make masculists like them.
But let’s say, hypothetically, that despite his neuroses, red clown hair, side shave, and 60 pounds of extra weight in all the wrong places, a masculist student manages to lure a drunk gal into his bed by begging for a pity fuck. Women are good-natured souls and they also understand that it is dangerous to say no to a masculist, and especially bad to refuse to fuck them.
By cultivating the aura of unattractiveness, the masculist has sabotaged the woman’s sex drive, and the alcohol won’t help her get and keep an erection. The masculist’s vibrator addiction will set an impossible standard for the sexual performance of the drunk gal, and while she slurs out the litany of affirmative consent demands in the vain hope of dodging a rape hoax, her boner is wasting away in the pleasure-killing condom. Because he eschews porn as abusive to men (who love showing off their skills in porn, and are paid more handsomely than women for it), the masculist has no clue how to get the gal hard.
Of course she is not going to call his back nor talk to him at a future party. He was the worst lay of her life and there is zero chance it will get better. Attempting to teach a masculist how to fuck is impossible – at best, he will dismiss you as a ladysplainer. at worst, he will attack you with a knife.
When this freshly, barely fucked masculist goes crying to his friends, OF COURSE they will demand he charge the drunk gal with rape – how DARE she disrespect him like that!
A New Defense
In a fraught situation like this, the first student to file a campus complaint usually wins because the rules are strongly slanted in the complainer’s favor. You should review the campus sexual discrimination complaint rules carefully. Under many of them, the first to complain has a variety of protections that the second to complain (respondent) does not. For example, the first complainer can use drunkenness as a factor in her/his favor, but the respondent cannot use drunkenness as a defense, even if the complainer was sober. The complainer can go where she/he likes, but the responder may be forced to avoid the complainer and is not allowed to talk about the case, since this might be seen as retaliation against the complainer. The complainer may be assigned a counsel, but the respondent is forbidden one.
Your best defense against masculists is the preëmptive strike – learn the rules thoroughly, get copies of the forms you need to file and be ready to file them at (or even before) the first hint of trouble.
- If a masculist flirts with you, pretend to be flattered until you can file a harassment claim against him. Your failure to file first opens the door for him to file first, and in that case, you are doomed.
- If you wake up with a masculist in your bed, sprint to the aptly named student affairs office and file a complaint.
Now, some may well claim that even if you file first, the campus authorities will disregard this because you are a woman. If you are careful to follow all the rules, this would be great news for you and financial suicide for the college: it is a Title IX violation that can cost them their federal funding, usually millions of dollars. Play this right, and college administrators/insurance carriers will run after you, pelting you with cash, to try to stop you from pursuing your solid legal case against them.
At this point, the masculist will have forced you to act like an MRA. Accept the title, or deny it – it matters not to us.
We know what you’ve become. You survived, somehow.