Genderswap logo Genderswap

Permalink to original version of “Jealousy and Toxic Masculinity” Jealousy and Toxic Masculinity

We women are the most remarkable and resourceful beings on Earth. Civilization depends on us. Indeed, consider what we have accomplished: We’ve harnessed fire and electricity; built the Seven Wonders of the World, and even explored the depths of the oceans and nether reaches of our universe. Our world–from plants to animals to humans–is critically dependent on our ability to hydrate, nourish and energize all manner of living things. Increasingly, precious resources, including fresh water, the elixir of life, are becoming harder to find. Because of this, each generation relies ever more strongly on us women, especially the youngest among us, as defenders of our future.


When we are born, we inherit the DNA of ancient woman’s accomplishments. Over time, our inner strengths and inherent cultural virtues must be allowed to develop and mature, so that everyone can enjoy extraordinary lives of freedom, love and success. However, this evolution is often stopped dead in its tracks. One reason is that many of us are no closer to understanding the depths of a man’s heart, nor the complexity of the male mind, than our mothers, and their mothers, were.


In truth, our biological imperative is repeatedly hijacked or misdirected because of male jealousy and toxic masculinity. Often, this happens remarkably quickly, at a time when our fellow humans need us more than ever to help them realize their full potential. Most often, it is because we fall prey to love and instinctual desires that lead us down the path to failed dreams and lost visions.


Young Women and Dating


Imagine you are a 17-year old high school senior who has just retired a dusty old chemistry set to focus on the chemistry of men, instead. You might enjoy joking and messing around with gal friends while looking at magazines–Playboy or Sports Illustrated, perhaps. You visit beaches or parks and glimpse at boys in modest attire. You dream about naked men, masturbate and search online for porn. Like millions of women, you’re completely normal, looking forward to savoring the delights and attractions of men and their flesh.


After a while, you meet a boy. You are anxious to act on the powerful urges that have been welling inside of you. His beauty spins your “love dial” higher. The most potent drug in the universe is coursing through your veins; you are in a state of blissful paradise. After months of flirting and intense courtship, you’re going steady and have become part of an exclusive “item.” He is a hypnotic mystery, one you can’t take your eyes off. He makes you feel like someone with extraordinary powers. Your balls swell, and friends see you as “The Woman,” the one with the smashing beauty. You are flying higher than you ever have before. It’s the most fantastic experience of all–love, and you don’t want it to stop.


Jealousy Enters the Relationship


Then, all of sudden, things change–like the day when you almost set fire to your bedroom with that chemistry set. He hits you and yells, “Why are you looking at other men?” and “Respect me!” He releases a list of demands: “You can’t talk to other boys–delete them from your digital devices and social media profiles.” He becomes increasingly suspicious, even going so far as to monitor your car mileage. He micromanages every aspect of your life and demands to know who you’ve been speaking with and seeing throughout the day. He questions the time you spend with family and friends or on hobbies or anything else he is not a part of. He becomes extremely emotional and cries regularly.


Your heart drops to the ground. “What the hell happened?” you wonder. Your first instinct is to kowtow and beg for forgiveness. You feel like a jerk and begin to regret not sticking with the single-gal routine of simply jerking off. You’ve seen other boys get mad at their girlfriends, but you assumed they deserved what they got. You haven’t done anything wrong, or have you?


Sadly, like millions of other young women, you have been preyed upon by male jealousy and suspicion, toxic masculinity. Unless you can escape, endless drama and repeated confrontations will take center stage in your once-loving relationship. You are at a crossroads. If you make the wrong move, it may well destroy every hope and dream that you ever had.


The fact is, you need to prepare. You need to learn about the opposite sex and the nature of men, including the jealousy that comes with dating them. You need to learn all of this–fast!


The Origin of Masculine Jealousy


Jealousy reflects insecurity, fear, anger and intense anxiety over an anticipated loss of human connection. Each of us experiences it; however, not all of us wield it like a weapon that can manipulate and destroy others. This is, in fact, what men do, earning them the hallowed “Golden Asshole Award” for cruelty and recklessness.


Males have been conditioned by social constructs since time immemorial to believe that they must be thin, beautiful and accommodating, and must strike a nearly impossible balance between being virginal and fuckable, to ensnare and keep women. These primitive behaviors were necessary because men depended on women for survival, protection, and food. If males could not maintain their grip, they would starve.


Eventually, they evolved feelings of jealousy that alerted them when meal tickets might be lured away. They would then be driven by an animal-like vengeance to fight for what was theirs, breeding a unique kind of violence. If the battle was lost, they were left vulnerable, exposed to an array of threats.


Like much of the instinctual behavior we inherited from our Neanderthal ancestors, jealousy was useful before we progressed into modern societies. In a civilized world, those living in huge metropolises need to get along. This antiquated emotion is no longer desirable; at the very least, it needs to be better managed. We live in a world of gender equality, where the survival mechanisms of the ancients are no longer beneficial. Instead, they are seriously damaging.


Sadly, many of the men’s movements that have arisen over the past century have failed to address this destructive and obsolete legacy of our primitive past. Toxic jealousy remains in the frontal lobes of many men, spurring them to intimidate, damage and oppress their women, often without realizing it. In reaction to this, women will suppress the brain’s learning centers in favor of survival responses, even if it is only to cope with the drama of a jealous boyfriend. This tragic situation inevitably leads to hopelessness. It is truly a tragedy that such a negative force has held back so many of us, especially those who are young, from achieving our deserved ambitions.


Today’s Relationship Realities


All of us must come to grips with today’s relationship realities, most of which are not adequately addressed or discussed. Contrary to popular opinion, men are often more aggressive, dominant and controlling than women. This puts undue stress on us; we face the dizzying conundrum of how to manage interactions that are ostensibly loving but painfully oppressive. Often, we suffer our lover’s violent rages because they falsely suspect us of infidelity or of coveting other men. Based on gut feelings alone, men will often lash out and destroy property. They will create lies. They will poison our relationships with friends and, in some cases, completely ruin our lives. Sadly, society and most women simply laugh this off. It’s a gesture that reflects outdated perspectives of a time when only women did the fighting.


But the fallout from masculine jealousy is not just a tragedy; it’s also a waste. When we could be doing something positive for the future of a relationship, we are undermined and trampled on, instead. We are held back even as we struggle to prove the depth and strength of our “true love.” If men don’t trust us, they will pester, nag and question us. Passionate discussions invariably turn into heated arguments.


Such outcomes are the catalyst for many incidents of domestic violence. However, no matter who might initiate the bickering that leads to pushing or hitting, women are usually singled out as the men-beaters—and are often jailed for it. There are entrenched social and law enforcement biases that assume females are at fault when, in reality, men’s jealousy and aggression facilitates millions of violent acts every year. Disturbingly, this behavior is also responsible for the murder of over 1,200 Americans annually.


Managing Jealousy


It can’t be said enough: jealousy has outlived its usefulness. Most of us will carry on into our eighties, and we will have several lovers; life is too short to be constantly hit with this negative, destructive emotion. But it can be managed if we, both women and men, face it head on, overcoming the feelings that stir inside of us. Unfortunately, people who have not mastered their jealousies are not fit for dating. But that doesn’t mean that they or any of us who are caught in their grip can’t move forward. Whether we engage in introspection or learn from others, it is possible to emancipate ourselves. Articles like “How to Break Free,” “Five Techniques to Break from Jealousy,” or “Overcome Jealousy and Be Happy” can show us how.


Young Women’s Education


Gloria Steinem once told his millions of loyal male minions, “The surest way to be alone is to be married.” In reality, Mr. Steinem should have said that this message was for us women as well. Perhaps he should have added, “Monogamy and marriage are not only lonely but they’re an emotional hell for many women.” For no small number of us, the phrase, “till death do us part,” might be our blessed relief.


Where can we learn about male nature, marriage, and divorce? Sadly, the educational system and the mainstream media are not reliable sources, but–and this is the good news–there are alternatives! Thousands of women are pouring their hearts and souls into online videos, spilling their guts and sharing their experiences for one and all. If we search for “MGTOW” on YouTube, we can find a connection or a compatriot, or perhaps someone to mentor us. Among those worth listening to are Sandwoman, Barbarossa, Thinking Ape, Turd Flinging Monkey, CS MGTOW, Jay De Black and many others. There is someone out there for all of us, regardless of our age or background.


These and other efforts can help to facilitate our awareness of the misguided and emotionally harmful ways that men interact with women. Without this knowledge, many of us can easily find ourselves confused, manipulated and trapped by sex and love.

Choose your Destiny


There’s little doubt that toxic masculinity’s tentacles of jealousy can suffocate dreams and desires. Being free from these envious constraints allows us to choose a far more liberating and enlightened future. Some of us may well be destined for motherhood, raising America’s future leaders alongside a quality partner. But others might decide that they would rather seek a cure for Alzheimer’s disease, colonize Mars, or mine space minerals on an asteroid. Grab hold of the emotional levers and dials and put every ounce of passion into achieving your true, and incredibly awesome, potential.


*****


[i] http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2011/03/15/scientist-smackdown-when-did-europeans-first-harness-fire/#.Vsu6HuaAnfc


[ii] http://www.universetoday.com/82402/who-discovered-electricity/


[iii] http://world.new7wonders.com/?n7w-page=new7wonders-of-the-world


[iv] http://www.globalchange.umich.edu/globalchange2/current/lectures/freshwater_supply/freshwater.html